I love reading this, especially at this point in my own career where I am going through the exact same existential questions, your words are a poignant echo. Thanks for being open and vulnerable and look forward to more thoughts.
So glad you're letting yourself explore in these directions, Vinamrata!
I've also been on the journey of making tech jobs not the focus of my life, and instead leaning into being creative. One thing I'd share: at least for me, it's less important what you do, and more important how you do it. Specifically, let go of the paradigms of reality that govern the Tech world: control, exploitation, manipulation, glorification of speed & "productivity", pre-defined outcomes, money as a proxy for success.
It sounds like you're already very aware of how that mentality stifled your earlier creative endeavors.
I like to ask myself
1. What would you make if it never reached anyone?
2. What would you make if it wouldn't blossom for 20 years?
Those questions shift my thinking in several ways:
1. the focus can no longer be outcomces, but rather becomes about the experience of creating
2. Tech has a near absolute bias toward things that can produce within 2-4 years, which itself enables us to do work that would be unsustainable for any longer period of time. I like looking at work that is as life giving as it is meaningful, and that takes a long time because it aims to grow something new & deep.
Not sure if you ever ran into her in school, but you might really like Michelle Jia's substack, it's really helps deconstruct the modern/Tech world view, and offers a more life giving alternative. It's also an inspiring quality of writing.
Wow, thanks for sharing Michelle's substack David- just subscribed. I'd seen her post on California, but not about her thoughts of her role as a user researcher. Definitely provocative.
I definitely agree with you that focusing on the creation of something vs the end output (esp when that output is on short time horizons) is really important to "unlearn" a lot of things that come with tech. I think for me, the hardest part is that I'm someone who is inherently motivated by progress and momentum, and that fire is further sustained by tech. Wanting to pursue a creative passion like creative writing has been really hard because it's almost the antithesis of that- you write for years and sometimes no one really sees your work, so it feels like "little progress." It's definitely something I've been struggling with and figuring out how to relate to.
To answer your questions- I think the thing I would do if it didn't blossom for 20 years / never reached anyone would be writing stories. Though, this is hard because building and connecting with an audience IS what draws me to writing (and what drew me to books in the first place), but the idea of building narratives that help me make sense of myself is still something I'd probably pursue.
I'm curious- what's the creative pursuit that's calling your name? How are you investing your time in a way that doesn't allow your job to become your primary way of being?
Right now I'm making visual explanations about creativity and creative systems (eg YouTube as a platform, ways of explaining) on YouTube
Long term, my aim is to explore media that can help us feel, see & reason about complex human systems. Media I want to explore include everything from YouTube to dataviz to live performance. I just think this is something humanity deeply needs, and I'm willing to give my life toward it even if it leads nowhere in the end :) But I didn't really have that kind of clarity until the last 2 years or so.
A few things that help:
- my wife & I keep a INSANELY restrictive routine, but it's what lets us have freedom to create. It involves getting up at 5:30am and also planning every single meal we eat ahead of time for the entire month lol. This may be overkill for reasonable people, but I'd say the getting up early & doing creativity first thing (ie so it's literally impossible to procrastinate) is the most important part.
- I work a very flexible job that engages my skills but not my passion
- I don't create for an audience. I mostly create for Michelle Jia, haha, who is the creative editor across all my work. Not only are most of "my" best ideas from her lol, but I have a really human experience of creative feedback, rather than a "make number go up" one.
- I care about a deeper question (What does it mean to feel & know the systems that go far beyond my small tribe?), and so creativity is really just a way of exploring that question.
- I strive for "clarity over productivity", which is something my wife came up with (lol I have zero original ideas don't tell anyone). This means I worry less about hitting goals or posting a lot, and more about getting clarity on what I'm trying to express and why.
I love all of that, thank you for describing your purpose and routine in such clear detail!
It's pretty cool that you've built a life that supports your creativity and passion in such a beautiful way, and you have a system of support with the people around you.
I think for me, it's really important to have an audience for my work, because I write for myself, but I also write to make other people feel heard. Not sure if you agree, but I don't think there's a right reason here, but I do think it's important to be clear to yourself on your reason and stay focused on it. I'm still figuring out the deeper question I want to explore with my work (I think it changes on a story by story basis, and the overarching theme across all the stories is still something I'm searching for).
I'm curious on how you landed on your question though, and how you've refined it over time, and whether you think it will change with time.
such a good first post - love when people just put out what they are trying to do...excited to read more
thank you paul! appreciate your encouragement :)
I love reading this, especially at this point in my own career where I am going through the exact same existential questions, your words are a poignant echo. Thanks for being open and vulnerable and look forward to more thoughts.
Thanks Domingo! Glad to have you on the journey with me <3
So glad you're letting yourself explore in these directions, Vinamrata!
I've also been on the journey of making tech jobs not the focus of my life, and instead leaning into being creative. One thing I'd share: at least for me, it's less important what you do, and more important how you do it. Specifically, let go of the paradigms of reality that govern the Tech world: control, exploitation, manipulation, glorification of speed & "productivity", pre-defined outcomes, money as a proxy for success.
It sounds like you're already very aware of how that mentality stifled your earlier creative endeavors.
I like to ask myself
1. What would you make if it never reached anyone?
2. What would you make if it wouldn't blossom for 20 years?
Those questions shift my thinking in several ways:
1. the focus can no longer be outcomces, but rather becomes about the experience of creating
2. Tech has a near absolute bias toward things that can produce within 2-4 years, which itself enables us to do work that would be unsustainable for any longer period of time. I like looking at work that is as life giving as it is meaningful, and that takes a long time because it aims to grow something new & deep.
Not sure if you ever ran into her in school, but you might really like Michelle Jia's substack, it's really helps deconstruct the modern/Tech world view, and offers a more life giving alternative. It's also an inspiring quality of writing.
In particular I'd recommend:
https://sundogg.substack.com/p/who-gets-to-be-innovative
https://sundogg.substack.com/p/nausea-california
Wow, thanks for sharing Michelle's substack David- just subscribed. I'd seen her post on California, but not about her thoughts of her role as a user researcher. Definitely provocative.
I definitely agree with you that focusing on the creation of something vs the end output (esp when that output is on short time horizons) is really important to "unlearn" a lot of things that come with tech. I think for me, the hardest part is that I'm someone who is inherently motivated by progress and momentum, and that fire is further sustained by tech. Wanting to pursue a creative passion like creative writing has been really hard because it's almost the antithesis of that- you write for years and sometimes no one really sees your work, so it feels like "little progress." It's definitely something I've been struggling with and figuring out how to relate to.
To answer your questions- I think the thing I would do if it didn't blossom for 20 years / never reached anyone would be writing stories. Though, this is hard because building and connecting with an audience IS what draws me to writing (and what drew me to books in the first place), but the idea of building narratives that help me make sense of myself is still something I'd probably pursue.
I'm curious- what's the creative pursuit that's calling your name? How are you investing your time in a way that doesn't allow your job to become your primary way of being?
Right now I'm making visual explanations about creativity and creative systems (eg YouTube as a platform, ways of explaining) on YouTube
Long term, my aim is to explore media that can help us feel, see & reason about complex human systems. Media I want to explore include everything from YouTube to dataviz to live performance. I just think this is something humanity deeply needs, and I'm willing to give my life toward it even if it leads nowhere in the end :) But I didn't really have that kind of clarity until the last 2 years or so.
A few things that help:
- my wife & I keep a INSANELY restrictive routine, but it's what lets us have freedom to create. It involves getting up at 5:30am and also planning every single meal we eat ahead of time for the entire month lol. This may be overkill for reasonable people, but I'd say the getting up early & doing creativity first thing (ie so it's literally impossible to procrastinate) is the most important part.
- I work a very flexible job that engages my skills but not my passion
- I don't create for an audience. I mostly create for Michelle Jia, haha, who is the creative editor across all my work. Not only are most of "my" best ideas from her lol, but I have a really human experience of creative feedback, rather than a "make number go up" one.
- I care about a deeper question (What does it mean to feel & know the systems that go far beyond my small tribe?), and so creativity is really just a way of exploring that question.
- I strive for "clarity over productivity", which is something my wife came up with (lol I have zero original ideas don't tell anyone). This means I worry less about hitting goals or posting a lot, and more about getting clarity on what I'm trying to express and why.
Not sure if any of that resonates :D
I love all of that, thank you for describing your purpose and routine in such clear detail!
It's pretty cool that you've built a life that supports your creativity and passion in such a beautiful way, and you have a system of support with the people around you.
I think for me, it's really important to have an audience for my work, because I write for myself, but I also write to make other people feel heard. Not sure if you agree, but I don't think there's a right reason here, but I do think it's important to be clear to yourself on your reason and stay focused on it. I'm still figuring out the deeper question I want to explore with my work (I think it changes on a story by story basis, and the overarching theme across all the stories is still something I'm searching for).
I'm curious on how you landed on your question though, and how you've refined it over time, and whether you think it will change with time.