Micromoments of stillness
Holding space for Spirit in the quietude.
After months of struggling with sleep, my PCP suggested I try eliminating phone usage an hour before bed. I was skeptical, but later that evening, I turned off my phone at 9 PM. Within fifteen minutes, I already felt like a completely different person. I was no longer ruminating on to do list items or “mistakes' ' I'd made earlier that day. Instead, I heard the real me. The one with creative ideas (like to write this essay), or thoughtful reflections about my life. Being present with whatever I’m doing, whether talking to my partner or reading a book. And yes, I also had much much less struggle with sleep.
It was short of fucking incredible, especially for someone who is not very good at resting.
Like many high performing anxious individuals, I struggle with rest. In fact, my struggles with rest make me insecure about my ability to rest which further creates pressure for me to rest (#restception). I follow a lot of mental wellness influencers who talk about ways to get more rest, and I’ve followed every tip to the T. I’ve aggressively scheduled “mental health hours” on my calendars and booked appointments at the latest healing spas. Yet none of these suggestions have really helped, mostly because I’ve never questioned: what is rest? Is it spending a full day staring at walls, lying by the beach for the afternoon, camping in the woods during the weekend, or booking a two hour massage to get pampered?
In other words: what is my version of rest?
I realized I’ve been making rest too complicated. For me, the best rest happens when I can fill my day with multiple intentional moments of stillness and ease, regardless of whether it’s twenty minutes or two hours. Rest is giving myself enough time in the morning to go through my morning routine and pour into myself, rather than feeling rushed to make it to the end. Rest is giving myself the space to compartmentalize my day, push away distractions, and focus on my living, breathing life. Rest is acknowledging that I’m human, that I need breaks, not just to physically recover from activity but to savor my accomplishments and progress rather than robotically moving on from one thing to the next.
Rest is a gift I give to myself, because I am alive.
I used to hold out on rest until all my work was done, like a “carrot” for checking off all items of the to do list. But now I’m realizing that this mentality reinforces outcomes over journey. In fact, rest is very much a part of any process for getting anything done, especially creative projects. I’m starting to realize that moments of rest create space for silence, which allows a deeper part of myself to emerge, the very part I’m trying to access in my writing to help me articulate deep truths about humanity. Another name for this deeper part of me is the “Spirit,” the subconscious real “me” that’s drowned out in a sea of everyday noise. This is my muse, my source of creative energy, and if I want to cultivate my art or become a better balanced person, creating smaller moments to listen to this part of myself will remain crucial.
So, I’m reframing rest as “micromoments of stillness” rather than big, planned extravagant ordeals. This also means that the changes I’ve made so far have been small, but meaningful. In addition to my nighttime routine, I have recently started every writing session with a 5 minute meditation to ground myself and open the portal for stillness. I’m also adding more microbreaks in my workday and leisurely morning routines. But I want to do more.
Cultivating these micromoments requires an intentional tradeoff between everything happening in my “real life” (to do list/text messages/social media notifications/news updates) and my subconscious. Some days, I’m not perfect, and I’ll optimize for getting things done. Or self soothing by rewatching television shows. But I also recognize that rest is a practice. As long as I focus on finding my way back, Spirit will be there, waiting to reveal its secrets to my ear.
Thing of Note
Recap: This section is my way of bringing attention to a thing, person, or idea that’s meaningful/related to the mission of this newsletter. This week, I want to highlight All the Gold Stars.
This week, I want to highlight Rainesford Stauffer’s book All the Gold Stars. There’s so much I could say about this book, but for me, the main highlight was the critical examination (both with personal anecdotes, other people’s stories, and peer reviewed research) of understanding the role of ambition in our lives. Not just ambition in terms of work, but also Care, Hobbies, and Relationships. I loved the thesis on finding ways to define ambitions that aren’t just rooted in work but for your overall life (or ambition for some outcome), and having varied sources of “ambitions” that define your identity.
Thanks for Reading!
I’m on a journey to create a blended career across the creative arts, tech, and business. This newsletter is my way of sharing my reflections, thoughts, and advice along the way. Here are some ways to support or further collaborate together!
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Animals and insects have taught me a lot about rest and self-care. If you watch them, from dogs to cows to insects, they have immaculate rest and self-care routines. They don't grind all day and then rest only at the end of the day when fully exhausted. They make many pitstops throughout their daily effort to rest and groom. We are the exception, not the norm :)
came to a similar realization: https://gameofone.substack.com/p/34-put-it-down-for-once