Momentum as signal vs character judgment

Reframing positive and negative momentum

Momentum is both my fuel and my Kryptonite. 

Take this blog for example. Whenever I have a post that clearly strikes a chord with people, resulting in likes/comments/messages, I can’t wait to get back on the computer and write something like it again. For posts that receive minimal attention, I feel like I’ve missed something obvious,  even though attention isn’t my primary motivator (or so I tell myself). It’s OK, not everything you write will resonate. Even though my rational brain understands this sentiment, my heart won’t let go of the nagging feeling that I’ve done something bad, and I’m overtaken by shame. 

Me staring into the distance, hoping that all my feels melt away.

This shame from lack of momentum has hit me especially hard creatively. My first (and only) short story was published in January 2022. It happened to be the first short story I wrote, and at the time of submission, I had zero expectations of anyone picking it up. I thought I would need to rewrite it fifty more times to make it through.Yet, some editor really liked it and decided to put it online. I was so excited to become an official published writer. Perhaps this was the path for me. 

Fast forward two years later, three writing conferences, thirty drafts of three different stories, and an exponential growth in knowledge of craft, revision, and editing, I have yet to publish any of my new work. 

There have been innumerable times when I have interpreted that lack of momentum as a signal that something is wrong with me. Maybe it’s too hard. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. Maybe I should stop. Then, I think about my life without writing, and things feel bleak, disconnected from the ability to clarify, create, and refine, and I give up on that idea. So, I settle for the shame and go back to writing. 

Recently, I’ve realized that my shame, which isn’t really serving me, stems from my relationship with momentum. I am addicted to momentum. I need momentum to keep doing things, some sort of validation that I am on the “right” path, even though I don’t know what the “right” path even means. Negative momentum feels like a sign of failure, and failure is kryptonite. 

Yet momentum doesn’t have to be this binary right-wrong spectrum. In fact, it could be just a signal, another piece of information that helps me understand if the thing I’m doing is serving me. Positive momentum signals yes, perhaps explore that further. Negative momentum (especially over a larger time interval) is an invitation to try something different. Momentum is also dynamic with time, and can easily transform itself from one state to another. I like to think of it as “the chemistry of momentum.” 

For example: In fall of 2022, I started a side project that wasn’t yielding any outcomes, despite the amount of time I was pouring into it. I was getting frustrated: why wasn’t it working? I found myself desperately reaching out to people on LinkedIn for help, pestering them to get back to me, when I realized- why was I trying so hard? There could be a whole host of factors that might explain why things weren’t “taking off.” Perhaps my approach needs work, or the timing is off. Maybe a break could do me some good. So, in 2023, I shifted gears towards a different project. 

At first, it felt scary. What if this one fails too? Thankfully, some early small wins signaled that I should keep exploring the project. And funnily enough, my 2022 side project came back into my life in April, without any action on my part. 

Taking a break from something (especially if you’ve experienced some negative momentum) doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s acknowledging that there are variables outside of your control that impact your outcomes, and giving it time might help you and that project succeed. Others might explain it as another version of manifesting, but it doesn’t really matter. If things feel right, then keep going. Otherwise, take a rest and try something different. 

Thing of Note

Recap: This section is my way of bringing attention to a thing, person, or idea that’s meaningful/related to the mission of this newsletter. This week, I want to highlight Devin’s latest post on tips for girl dads. 

Devin is a friend and all around rockstar, with his financial coaching biz for millennials, podcast, and Substack. I really loved his recent post about tips for how to be a great girl dad. As someone who wants to be a parent (but not in the immediate term), it’s interesting to see different people’s approach to that craft, especially when reflecting on my own journey growing into a ~ woman ~ Tips that stood out to me: daily journal (habit that I picked up later in life, and I wish I had done sooner), sports (probably my biggest childhood regret: not attempting athletics), and one-on-one adventures (spontaneity was unfortunately not a big part of my life growing up, but something I’m learning to cultivate)

Thanks for Reading! 

I’m on a journey to create a blended career across the creative arts, tech, and business. This newsletter is my way of sharing my reflections, thoughts, and advice along the way. Here are some ways to support or further collaborate together! 

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